The decision

That was the first time in my entire blogging 'career' that I actually removed a post temporarily. YF advised me not to post it up cos I dunno who is reading my blog and it is inappropriate for my decision to be made known through it. The posting is done on 29 March 2007, only to be taken down quickly. I have decided to post it up again today since the team already knew it now.

Today, I suddenly felt everything around me is merely ceremonial. My life, the things I do, the people I meet and the events that happened around me. I have put so much importance to each of them simply because it helps me to put a milestone in my life when in fact, I can care less, do less and let go a little more.

I am leaving the management team of Oogachaga and just staying on as a hotline volunteer and a back end administrator. The team has grown and is definitely in better hands. I never believe that anyone can stay too long in something, only because he becoming complacent and eventually lost his mission. I believe in walking away for a while, rest and decide where else to head towards.

And yes, I am finishing one milestone and charting the next one.

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Another stressful weekend another eventful week. Screwed up at work... and major hiccups elsewhere. Most of the time, my cutesy smiling face can get me out of the trouble but behind that front, is a complete frustrated me, consistently asking myself what the fuck do I allow these things to happen. I have a choice, choices rather. I have a choice to decide how I wanted to live daily. Last night, the mental stress is translated to body reaction. With my course starting soon, I know I have to make a decision soon if not I will end up flopping in every sector of my life.

Bianca came up to me last weekend during the workshop and describe how she understand me. Trust me, Bianca is one very intelligent and beautiful woman and I think her partner is very fortunate. One of the thing she said was "Bryan, you are actually an introvert and you hate stagnancy, you like changes, manageable ones." Bingo! I should see a psycharist soon. And yes, I am a forced leader.

Being a Gemini, I am consistently seeking new things and people. The seemingly extrovert side of me dominates when I actually yearn for privacy and quietness and little public attention.

Sitting at the Burger King in Concourse again, I am making a decision again. One that happen almost 6 months ago but was persuaded to stay. I thought I can stretch a little more and be driven a little further. I am just working too hard to make it happen, I guess.