Intimacy is an Issue

Doing a counseling course is never the same with any other programs I went through before. It is not about just meeting deadline for a project or getting a design meaningful and appealing. It is really about looking at yourself and asked if you are really suitable for the counseling path.

The whole of August and early September were packed with meetings and workshop preparation. Thankfully, the workshop went really well and the team is just amazing. In between the madness, I had to squeeze out some time to do my school assignment. This reflective paper, was not easy to do, not because it involves a lot of reading but a lot of recalling and making sense why my present days behaviours is linked to my past. I wrote extensively about my teenager days, my struggles to keep my troubled younger days sane and for the first time in writing, I wrote about how ashamed I was in my own body.

One thing that I rediscovered is the reason for my obvious lack of interest in intimacy from time to time. In fact, intimacy with anyone is always a hurdle for me to overcome. It is not just about sexual intimacy. And in this paper, I finally found the connection with that identity (both youth and sexuality) crisis with my present days' reluctance to venture too quickly into a love relationship. It is a very good feeling to understand just why.

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In the remarks, my lecturer wrote this bit...

The remaining block seems to be in intimacy. I wonder if it is linked to having to do everything alone- it was all up to you. Also a lack of unconditional love. This is what you need to be able to give to yourself now – then you can truly love others. Grieving unmet needs denied you by your father and even your mother may be essential in order to unblock your ability to have intimacy. This is the next layer of the “onion”. This is where you must have built up pain.

Remember its essential to link the heart with the head, we can know intellectually what happened but we have to feel our emotions in order to heal and forgive. I invite you to seek professional counselling regarding this issue so that you can love and be loved. The right of everyone!!

Thank you for entrusting your story to me. I honour your willingness to be open and honest and wish you well on this most noble of journeys to the self. The journey has begun don’t stop now!!

Regards
F.G.


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I am going to see a counselor on this.