Living in the world of normalcy

A friend asked if I will be attending the recent Candlelight Memorial because of him. I look at him and into myself for an answer. I have started to attend the event when it was held in the middle of Tampines. I still like that event most. When we walked around on the field with lit candles in our hands, it attracted a lot of attention from the passerby. That's what it should have been, not just to commemorate those who have passed on, contracted the virus, work of the healthcare professionals and volunteers but to raise the awareness from those who know very little of the virus. At work, I made every effort to explain how the virus can be transmitted and prevented. I also sent a long email to everyone at work when a co worker over reacted. Like the speakers at the memorial, it is a on going work at the community and personal level to educate others. I am not longer surprised when a supposedly well educated person come up to me and ask about the myths he heard. At least, he is clarifying his doubts and not making irresponsible remarks.

After one hour, I smsed the friend this message 'If I am attending the event for you, that means I am viewing you differently. The fact is, you are still the same friend with or without the virus. So no, I am just attending the event as I have always done so.'

There is a book sold somewhere which I never had a chance to read. I think the title is 'Living in the world of HIV positive'. Other will ask so what's the big deal of you being negative when the others are infected and positive. The thing is, it is a big deal. It is a ongoing battle to stay negative or a constant worry that if I am carrying some deadly bacteria that my body can fight off but can kill the friends. A secret that I am safeguarding for almost half a dozen of positive friends. And most importantly, should I be careful with my words or just treat them no different. I spoke of the virus like the diabetic conditions my mom is having but I am aware of the stigmas the HIV bought about. 

So this leads to another topic which I attributed to what others describe helper burnout. When do we viewed others as needy? For the past five months, I have seen so many whom described themselves as needy or helpless, but really by whose definition? I pictured myself explaining to others about the gay and lesbians as being the under privileged, but yet, I see many of us living a very comfortable life that others cannot afford. I watched in tears for the plights that the Burmese are living for the past two weeks and by the Szechuan earthquake, I am already so filled with sadness that I stopped feeling. So if you asked me, if I am feeling sick because I am not positive, I am not sitting across the table asking for financial assistance, not seeing a counselor because I am traumatized by the fact I am gay and not dying from an earthquake or cyclone, the answer I am. Welcome to 'Living in the world of normalcy'. The stress of living a normal life in a world filled with tragedies and sadness.