Saturday

It was a long saturday yesterday and I am feeling the stress now. I have not been up and doing stuff at 8 am for a long time. Was out the whole day, shuttling between Tanjong Pagar, Mox, SMU, Clarke Quay and then Mox again.

Met two very pretty boys yesterday. One at the talk and the other who is Ben's friend. The first one is good looking more than pretty actually. Never before, I got my attention on someone at our own OC talk before. I am usually busy at coordinating stuff or feeling exhausted, but yesterday definitely got my attention. One of the reason is, he looks like one of my cutesy ex colleague. Small eyes, tanned skin, great smile and nice nose and a nice proportionate build too. And he is just about my height. Seriously, for a long time, apart from JK, noone got me so distracted before. It took me a little longer to realise, that I can actually get to know him thru a friend. hmmm... very tempting. Maybe I should do that. BTW, I dun look at people that often at my own talk so I cannot tell if anyone is doing that to me. I looked slightly aloof most of the time.

The second is 100% pretty, beautiful eyes and he speak with a slight slur. haha... one of those cute boys that JuzzyWuzzy will have on his LJ list. I told Ben, who in turn announce my thoughts to him. When Ben left the table to get the bill, the both of us left with this awkwardness until he said one of his customers said the same thing before, only that he felt a little insulted then. hahaa... Honestly, If I am 10 yrs younger, I will be very interested in him.

Sometimes, I also cannot figured out which market I am in. I am not the cutesy submissive btm that some tops like to protect under their wings, if not their wings got to be really big. I am those who dare to show a nice abs, butt or dick shots on my own profile... (ok, I confess, I did that 6 yrs ago and those pics were on the net for 2 days) I am not those gym boys who seemed to form their own mini communities because of language barriers with the others. I am not those in what ND will describe as the social upper class - Bankers, doctors, models and plastic surgeons... I dun see myself as an activist or advocate, I am doing something I like and I need important to my current phase of life. I am not what YF termed as a the social lowest caste, the social workers. All I know I dun make a bad looking community person, but I told LS, time is running out. The community need new prettier boys... haha... BTW, I did dreamt of being a model before I realised I am too short and my skin is too bad for the job. I wanted to a stage performer but I cannot act for nuts. I think I am better wearin a uniform bossing people around or a designer who is pretty ok at what he is doing, unless he is upset with his boss.

Ok, so ya, there are a couple of people who caught my eyes in real person and noone from the cyberspace. I got the habit of saying things out these days so that I will not kill myself by keeping it inside me, like what I did to JK, so that I can function properly when he is around. I trust myself as adult enough to manage a NO, likewise, say a gentle NO to others. Hate guessing games and if your profile says 'communication is important between two person', do it... dun just say it.

Last night, I suddenly recalled that I am going to celebrate my first anniversary of singlehod in two weeks time. I think I survived it pretty well, apart from the occasional mood swing in the initial months, no bad interim rs, no bad sex and no rebounds. As much as I choose to say otherwise publicly, having a slightly above look in this gay community do have its advantages, that is a honest thought. Of course, the self confidence add on to the appeal.