Ibu

The most person in my life is my mom. Then my sister and the group of friends whom I add "AA" to their names in my phone list so that they are always at the top.

Back to my mom. She is born half a decade ago when Singapore was still a British colony and grew up in Bugis area. My maternal grandpa ran one of the most famous fish porridge and my mom was his most diligent helper. She had very little studies though she really should have given a chance. I think she can be a very intelligent woman rather than the simpler home maker now.

Bugis was hardly a nice neighbourhood to grow up and she always tell me stories the hooligans, the prostitutes and the ang mo sailors who patronized the porridge stall. She was a very beautiful woman in those days and look a little like a mixed blood. She has big round eyes and funky hairdo and spent all the allowance on watching movies, taking trishaw, tailor made blouses and eating Swensen ice cream. Hardly a boring woman I remember looking at some of her black and white photos.

My grandpa doted on her and eventually gave her lots of money to start off her fruit business at Albert Complex. I remember sitting at the shop, staring her customers who took forever to pick the fruits and the poorer folks to buy some half rotten fruits that she placed just below the counter. She told me that those days business was really good when the Malaysians would buy lots of fruits whenever they go back hometown. Queen Street Bus terminal was just two streets away. Sometimes I sat on my small wooden stool and pretended to do school work, day dreaming how life will be when I am an adult. Or play with my lego set. I remember once I asked her what would happen if I took all her earnings for the day and take a bus ride to Lian Pang (Federal States). She looked at me and said, "Take la, it won't last you very long, judging by the amount of money you spent on eating." The business folded when I was 12 when she decided that she wanted something more secure, medical leave, CPF and most importantly, free from worries of having to run a business.

I was brought up spendthrift because I would always have $5.00 with me. That was a lot back then when I am only 6 or 7. I would buy myself cake from Sembawang Cake shop. (That is in Beach Road actually and still selling the most traditional chocolate cake around). Or my sister would buy me Transformer toys, my first impression what a F-16 looked like. Or Mask, the car which doors sprung up and can fly and drop bombs. Gosh... Sometimes, she would buy me police patrol cars that runs on battery and my sister removed all the decorative stickers and they stopped looking like a police car. All was how much I was doted on. Lots of toys and food, of course, sometimes these materialistic stuff can be used as blackmails when I misbehaved, rarely though.

At one point of my life, at 16... I hated my mother a lot. That was a period of her going through divorce and I was very depressed with my pimply face and kept pestering her that I should go for laser skin treatment at the National Skin Centre. It was a period that we do not understood each other, my sister included. For a period of three years, the relationship was rock bottom. On one hand I appreciated that the fact that she hold onto the marriage so that I could have a proper place to study, on the other I detest her for unwilling to part with the abusive husband that caused more trauma to me than I can describe. By 20, things have improved, everything was calmer and I made a life changing decision to sign on a army regular so that I could afford my own higher education after poly and take off the responsibility of breadwinner from her. I have never doubt this decision.

Fast forward to recent years, I have got closer to her and she obviously sensed that the son is not going to get married. Once when I was about to leave for my clinic at AFA and I was telling her what are the things we do there, she stopped her ever important meal preparation and told me to be careful, even if I am with a guy. She went on to say HIV infection happen between a woman and man as well as two men. Hmmmm... interesting conversation. I have never really outed myself to her. But I know she is not ignorant at all. I have brought my boyfriends home for overnights very often. And recently, she actually asked how was T and is he still busy with projects he is always interested in.

For a short period, she was helping my auntie at her noodle stall. A gay couple were having dinner just in front of the stall and behaving rather intimately. My auntie thought they are really close brothers. My mom stared at her in the eyes and explained "Don't be stupid la, they are lovers!" She narrated the whole thing to me when I got back from work. Sometimes, I know I can just use these opportunities to tell her about it, but I do not know why I decided not to.

Very soon, I have to drop the line "Mom, my army friend is sleeping over". I am 30 soon and which 30 year old man will bring his army friend home to sleep, especially when the army friend looked much younger or older. Army friend do not come out from nowhere and I have quitted airforce 2 years back.

I was hoping to find some of her old photos but we must have left all of them in the old flat when we are forced out of the place. I do not know how to describe her when she is younger. Very beautiful woman and a street smart attitude. If only I am like her, I will be very pretty... tsk tsk. I have her big eyes and slender fingers though, and of course, her forever positive attitude towards life when things got tougher.