Seconds of loneliness

I had a split second of loneliness last night. After talking to the manager at Expose, I stepped out into a very quiet South Bridge Road which is rather unusual in this part of the town. The split second (maybe two) loneliness came to me while waiting on the bus.

In the past, I used to send T home very often. He lives in the east and me in the west. So a typical journey will take me two hours to and fro and two runs of The American's Funniest Animal on the annoying TV Mobile. We dun have a lot of time together so this is one of the few ways I spent time with him. I was chatting with Jay and Yang last night and I told them I figured what kind of feelings one will have after parting. I hated the term "Breakup", very negative. The feelings now is I missed the time we spent in the rs and not the person, which make it a little more manageable.

As I am typing this, I am chatting with LS. I told him how little I actually know people around me and most people know a lot about me. Over the past two months, I started to be a little more self centred, reason being there is noone that I need to take care for, and the excessive energy turn inward.

I hated the state of singlehood for only one reason. Everyone think the guy I am going out with is my date or potential bf. Any some gestures from me can end up giving the wrong signal when all I wanted is a proper friendship. Bloody sick of the idea of courtship now (HA, finally I said that out).

I deliberately tell one or two OCers when I do my volunteer interview so that at least someone know what the heck is going on and noone will think I am dating potential volunteers. Alternatively, I will only go out with people who are attached or married or straight, but then that will lead to another set of problems. So I either go out in a group or dated myself or a faghag.